Don’t Be Such A Fucking Snob

Happy New Year all 12×75 readers – 2015 here we are baby !!!

I’ve only just about got used to writing 2014 on forms, so this is going to be a big change for me. Something I sadly suffer through every year.

Over the Xmas period, all I did is eat and drink. 2 out of the 3 of my favourite things in life. However, I didn’t always get to pick where I wanted to go. Sadly, sometimes, Mrs 12×75 would want to go to her friends’ houses.

So there I am – at a dinner party, with the majority of guests being dentists. BORING!!! Doctors are fun to party with, but not dentists. For example, even though most of them know I love my wine, they constantly asked me if I’d ever tried drinking wine through a straw so as not to stain my teeth?!

To which I generally asked them how they’d function as a dentist with my foot up their arse. Not well I’m guessing.

The owner of the house, our host for the evening was a boring guy, but had impeccable taste. Great house, nice cars, so I wasn’t that surprised when I walked in and saw two very yummy bottles next to decanters.

The first was a Brane Cantenac 2002 and the second a Gruaud Larose 2005.  And then out the blue, as I took a closer look at the decanters,it happened. I started to get upset that the decanters were for port and whiskey respectively. I could feel myself cringing and the stuffiness spreading.

I felt like saying ‘a jug would probably be better’…..but somehow refrained and managed to keep quiet (don’t ask me how).

The host of the party, then asked me to help give out some wine glasses. He leant behind his bar, and started passing me the glasses one at a time. Initially, I thought he was joking, but given I couldn’t see his face, I wasn’t sure.

The glasses were fat, ugly, thick, imbalanced, uncomfortable – oh yeah, and did I say THICK…

I thought to myself, please say he’s joking. He’s doing this to wind me up and see my reaction – but when he eventually stood back up with the rest of the glasses – I could see he looked confused as to why I hadn’t handed them out yet and was just standing there.  I thought, this man has such good taste, why would he possibly have these glasses. Where’s he hiding the good glasses?

At this point, I had to ask: ‘where you hiding the Zaltos and Riedels man’ – to which he said ‘is that a ski resort?’

Err yes, they are ski resorts!!! Where are you hiding your ski resorts?! Surely he was already pissed.

Oh dear God…. There I was, forced to drink fine wine out of these shitty glasses. The more I sipped away, the more annoyed I was becoming. We started with the Brane – and people asked ‘Vim, what do you think of the wine?’

I’d just smile and nod, but turned and whispered to Mrs 12×75 ‘it’s ok, if I could just taste past the glass’ – to which Mrs 12 sharply but subtly  elbowed me in the ribs, whilst whispering back ‘don’t be such a fucking snob!!!’

What was wrong with me? Had I become so stuffy?!? When I went to get the next decanter with the Gruaud , behind their bar I saw a huge box of Villeroy and Boch glasses. Yuck.But had I become so snobby, that I didn’t want to drink wine out of sub standard glasses ….YES. …..had I become so spoilt by my Riedels and Zaltos….YES

To make matters worse, over the course of 2014, most of my dear friends got wine glasses from me as gifts. Birthdays, anniversaries, divorces, whatever their occasion, they were getting either Riedels or Zaltos. Actually last year was mostly Zaltos. And if I had already given them glasses, then the decanter was next. This of course meant that whenever I would visit them, irrespective of the wine, I’d still be drinking them out of epic glasses.

I decided to pour what was left of my Brane into a water glass. A thinner glass, which I think came from Waitrose. BANG – there it was. Finally, the wine came alive. Where it tasted flat and dull in the Villeroy and Boch glass it came alive in the water glass….

Same with the Guard – as that got passed around, I poured some straight into the water glass – AHHHHH, much better…

It got me thinking, was I stuffy, had I become this snobby about wine. What was next, insisting white wine with fish, and red with meats or sending people wine, because I don’t like their choice – where was this all going….I had to stop it. So when I left, I thought the most obvious thing one could think. I thought what any other wino in my position would have.

What the FUCK were Villeroy and Boch doing selling wine glasses? I got home and googled them, just to see what their description on google was:

‘Villeroy & Boch. Timeless elegance, innovative design and extraordinary quality since 1748 for bathroom and wellness, tableware and tiling.’

My point exactly. It wasn’t me, it was all their fault

Have a great 2015